


Whaddup ex-McKinley bitches

by forabeatofadrum (maanorchidee)



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Reaction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10067651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maanorchidee/pseuds/forabeatofadrum
Summary: Kitty is only one click away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, I rewatched the Hurt Locker, and this happened. 
> 
> (Keep in mind that this is Kitty, and therefore she uses weird language)
> 
> Enjoy!

Kitty is sitting behind her computer screen, hand on the mouse. The cursor is hovering over the SEND button, and Kitty knows she’s only one click away.

She closes her eyes and prays real quick.

Then she clicks.

* * *

_Whaddup ex-McKinley bitches,_

_Yes, you’re actually reading this. I actually sat down and spent time on writing this, so congratulations, you can read. Or I guess most of you can read, since I know one of you cannot read words, but it’s a good thing that in this time, you can copy paste this into Google translate and listen to a monotone bitch reading this out loud._

_This might surprise you, but I have not forgotten about you idiots yet. How can I forget you guys? You are the girl with fat mom, white passing dude who cannot read, fake half black Puckerman, and black Angel from Rent._

_And this might also surprise you, but I am not sending you a hate mail. I am full of surprises, bitches, cause I like to say that this is a love mail, but then I am as sappy and gross as that Hobbit. So I still want to punch you all in the fucking face for leaving me here, but shit son, you would not believe what happened._

_So, here I was, plotting the dismise of the so-called Incest Twins, when out of nowhere Artie rolled on the field and started singing with the so-called Unholy Trinity. Boom boom, bitches, glee club is back._

_That weird snob Rachel is now running it with Hummel. I know, right, it sounds awful. A glee club under the regime of Rachel Berry, who is the perfect example of failure, because I assume you idiots have all seen the monstrosity that is That’s So Rachel. She almost ambushed me and for once second I was convinced she was going to slip her hand underneath my skirt, but no, she wasn’t into the mood for a great fuck (then again, who would say no to *this*?), she was only in the mood for glee club._

_Now, you might be wondering: “Kitty, we haven’t heard from you in months, why are you telling me this?”_

_Well first up, you all left me behind. I know Sue didn’t force me to graduate, but you guys never contacted me again._

_(Please ignore I didn’t really try to get in touch with you, so don’t fucking use that against me because it’ll be the last thing you’ll do.)_

_So when Rachel (I’m not calling her Ms. Berry, holy fuck no) tried to recruit/fuck me, I initially quoted the original glee club fatass Mercedes Jones: HELL TO THE NO._

_You know why, bitches? Because I loved glee. I loved performing and hanging out with you idiots while being the top bitch. Really, I am going to sound as sappy as Blaine, but I loved you idiots a whole lot. And you left me like yesterday’s garbage. I lost something precious (this is not a LotR reference- get out of here) and honestly, I didn’t want to risk losing that again._

_But then I saw those preppy gay schoolboys performing, and I knew that their gayness was totally ruining that performance, so I only had one thing on my mind: “With the power of sweet baby Jesus, I am going to crush those gay losers and I will show them that they can be gay without being losers.”_

_Like I said, I am full of surprises. I rejoined the new (new?) New Directions. This time, I am the top bitch of fat kid with a bowling outfit collection (what is up with you fatties?), female Black Pete, a hard rock homo, and the Incest Twins._

_Now, why am I writing you this e-mail. Not to beg you to come back to McKinley, because this sure as fuck is a hellhole, but to tell you that I am thankful for all the times you’ve put up with me and actually hung out with me. I am thankful for all the times in the choir room. I am thankful for all the numbers we’re rehearsed. I am thankful for Marley fucking up our Sectionals, or Jake and Ryder’s homoerotic bromance, or Unique giving us an ugly pot-o-potty for a few days. Bitches, I am thankful fot your existence, and because of that, I will lead this group of idiots to our Nationals win. You guys better come watch us kick the asses of the other mediocre glee clubs._

_Long story short, pray to Jesus, be fabulous, and delete this e-mail right now because I do not want any evidence of my sappiness._

_So long, virgins._

_\- Kitty Kat_


End file.
